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SLOW LEARNER

I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colours yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what colour it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued.

At last she headed for the door, saying, “Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!”

fighting over present - smal

KIDS WILL BE KIDS

A six-year-old comes crying to his mother because his little sister pulled his hair.

“Don’t be angry,” the mother says, “your little sister doesn’t realise that pulling hair hurts.”

A short while later, there’s more crying, and the mother goes to investigate.

This time the sister is bawling and her brother says, “She knows now.”

 

OH NO!

For weeks, a six-year old boy kept telling his primary school teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but he made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, “Timi, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were
expecting at home?”

Timi burst into tears, and said: “I think Mummy ate it!”

 

CHRISTMAS QUIZ

A pastor was addressing the children during the Christmas service. “Who is the mother of Jesus?” He asked them. Without hesitation, dozens of tiny voices chorused back “Mary.” “That’s right. Now who can tell me who is the father of Jesus?”

There was quiet and fidgeting. After all, no one told them there was going to be a quiz. Then a young girl spoke up.

With assurance, she boldly announced: “You know,” she said, “She’s a single parent.”

 

NOT THIS YEAR

Mother asks little Edward, “What would you like for Christmas?”

Little Eddie says, “I’d like a baby brother.”

Mother smiles at him, kisses him on the cheek and says, “I’m afraid there aren’t enough shopping days left.”

 

TWINS – DIFFERENT OUTLOOK

A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist.

Just to see what would happen, on Christmas, their father loaded the pessimist’s room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist’s room he loaded with horse manure.

That night the father passed by the pessimist’s room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.

“Why are you crying?” the father asked.

“Because my friends will be jealous, I’ll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I’ll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken,” answered the pessimist twin.

Passing the optimist twin’s room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. “What are you so happy about?” he asked.

To which his optimist twin replied, “There’s got to be a pony in here somewhere!”

Christmas carol
CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS

As a teacher, Ms. Jones was very curious about how each of her students celebrated Christmas. She called on young Patrick Murphy.

“Tell me Patrick what do you do at Christmas Time?”, she asked.

Patrick addressed the class, “Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to the midnight Mass and we Sing hymns, then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our Toys”.

“Very nice Patrick”, she said.

“Now, Jimmy what do you do at Christmas?”

“Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to Church with Mum and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late.

We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings.

We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents.”

Realising there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, “Now, Isaac, what do you do at Christmas?”

Isaac said, “Well, it’s the same thing every year. Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce, then we Drive to his toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves and begin to sing ‘What a Friend We Have in Jesus’. Then we all go to the Bahamas.”

 

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